Couple and Relationship Counselling
STAYING TOGETHER AND STRENGTHENING THE RELATIONSHIP
Couples come for therapy when they get stuck. I help couples understand how they contribute to their stuckness and also help them get unstuck. It is exceptionally rare for two people to straightforwardly have an issue with one another. Whereas it is extremely common for each person to complicate matters by mistakenly believing they know who they are in their partner's eyes; believing they know who their partner to be, and who they believe themselves to be. A couple can quickly become a very crowded relationship. It is then inevitable that both hold the other solely responsible for their 'buttons' being pushed.
In couple counselling there is a dual focus. If the couple lose sight of each other, their issues also get lost in the ensuing conflict and drama; it is essential to locate each person amidst the various perceptions they have of one another, in so doing the conflict and drama are able to fall away, and so the issues often fall away too. Where they persist there is communication.
A key element of couple therapy is improving the quality of communication, this will equip the couple to try to resolve their current or persistent problems and to anticipate not losing sight of each other in the future. Couple therapy works toward each person re-engaging with themselves and in their relationship with the intention of relating in a new way, of reestablishing intimacy and their love amidst the conflict, and beyond the drama.
'Every marriage is a blind date that makes you wonder what the alternatives are to a blind date.'
Adam Philips
ENDING A RELATIONSHIP
When one or both partners have decided to separate couple counselling can provide the support needed to end the relationship. Counselling can make the difference between an acrimonious or amicable ending. Sometimes a couple may want to manage the transition from being together as a couple to becoming just friends, or to be able to cooperate as co-parents. Counselling can provide a space to slow things down, take stock and reconnect with the positive feelings that were once there in order to achieve the best outcome.